Today, let’s broach a subject I have stayed away from. It starts with a small j, and it is a quality we never want to be described as. Can you guess what it is? Okay, I’ll take you out of your misery. It is judgmental. Candidly, I do not regularly think about the concept of judgmentalism. Perhaps because I believe that what we dwell on becomes part of us. However, we live in a judgmental world. Therefore, we must understand what it is and how it shows up. To illustrate this, I’ll start by sharing lyrics to a song called Homesick that is near and dear to my heart. Next, I will share what I learned from it. It reads like this:

I close my eyes, and I see Your face.
If home’s where my heart is, then I’m out of place.
Lord, won’t You give me strength to make it through somehow?
I’ve never been more homesick than now.
In Christ, there are no goodbyes.
And in Christ, there is no end.
So, I’ll hold onto Jesus with all that I have.
To see you again.

Understandably, you may be thinking those lyrics are anything but judgmental. And you’re right. However, as it alludes to heaven, it can evoke the sentiment in some.

The longing that never dies.

I listened to the song several times a day for months after my wonderful sister Jessie was no longer here. Each time, the words landed like a heartbroken conversation, as I told her that she left way too soon and unexpectedly. However, I also knew that no amount of time with her would ever feel sufficient because true love creates a longing that never dies.

Even though years have passed, the song holds a special meaning for me, and whenever I hear it, I think of Jessie. Some might say imagining a loved one floating in the sky is nonsensical. However, I do not think of heaven as people floating. That is a scene out of a Hollywood movie!
I have dreamt of Jessie more times than I can count. In one dream, I had the luxury of asking her why she left me, and she responded with the balance of grace, strength, and love that only Jessie could.

Nevertheless, when we hear others speak of what we do not relate to, we may still feel the need to set them straight! For this reason, when I listen to the song Homesick, I also think of the effects of judgmentalism.

The j word.

Judgmentalism is a human tendency to find fault with whatever differs from us, our preferences, and opinions. As a society, we seem to view others as wrong so that we may feel right! Why else would we conclude someone we do not know purchased a home only to show off? Or that any coworker whose work style differs from ours must be lazy or inefficient?

Let them be.

Such criticism is couched as concern. However, it is an insult in a backhanded compliment. And it is dangerous! So, what can we do about it? Suppressing such tendencies starts with asking ourselves questions such as: Why do I need to tell someone what to believe about something I do not have verifiable proof about? Or why insist someone process their struggles one way, as if it is the only formula?

If a grieving mother believes sitting in a graveyard every day for a year is the best way to mourn the tragic loss of their son, let her be. If a broken-hearted person feels journaling every Saturday morning for six months in the botanical garden where they first met their love helps them to get through the anguish, let them be. Loosening the grip of judgmentalism requires accepting that we do not always have answers. And that it is OK not to know.

Just let it be!

For you and to you,
Aké

Image credit: Pexels | Pavel Danilyuk