For most of my life, I was a hyper-achiever. You may have noticed I didn’t say I was a high achiever. – This is not to imply that I didn’t achieve great things. Many said I did. And despite my perfectionist tendencies, I’d say the same. After all, given the societal yardstick that measures success as “accomplishments relative to others,” I seemed to excel. But today, I see it differently, and I understand why that conclusion was ill-placed. – The cost was too high. I achieved much at the cost of almost everything, trading fulfillment for pats on the back and accolades. That’s not a good deal! However, it is one a hyper-achiever makes time and time again.

The life of a hyper-achiever

Before we go further, it is worth understanding the seldom-used term. A hyper-achiever is a product of today’s society. They constantly rely on performance and achievement for self-respect and self-validation. Also, they derive value and self-worth from what they do, not who they are.

The portrait of a life oriented toward hyper-achievement is unmistakable! The key features include workaholism and loss of touch with emotional and relationship needs. Hyper-achievement results in a life spent fixating and over-investing in doing at the expense of being. The result is suppressed feelings and unmet relational and emotional needs, as one minimizes or undervalues their importance and replaces it with an unrelenting drive for achievement. Of note, many we describe as high achievers are hyper-achievers.

Hitting a concrete wall

Now, I will not judge the value of what I achieved during those years. Such assessments can be unnecessarily harsh. Friend, I encourage you to be gentle with yourself, too.

Personally, as I look back on those years of sleeping with my laptop on the pillow next to me night after night, I don’t remember 80% of what I achieved. I know I did a lot. However, I cannot say that I was changing the world in a truly meaningful way. Also, I don’t remember it being much fun.
Yet I would probably still be spinning on the wheel if I didn’t hit a concrete wall, metaphorically, of course! The wall was a multiple sclerosis diagnosis, and it forced me to wrestle with one question!

The question we must wrestle with

“What am I creating by living?” is one of the most critical questions we must ask ourselves. Answering it terrified me! I had spent decades doing what was honorable and upholding a standard that baffled many. Yet I was unfulfilled, often joyless, and frequently exhausted! Little did I know that by immersing myself in the sea of hyper-achievement, I was sabotaging myself. – It’s what a hyper-achiever does: they sabotage themselves by focusing on appearing successful in others’ eyes and often unwittingly neglecting to be authentic and grow, the very things that would help them be the best they can be. Therefore, the wheel of thrill becomes the wheel of gloom.

When I realized this, I had to face the reality that I was my own saboteur. It was a harsh reality. However, I was ready. I recognized that knowledge would elevate my thinking and life if I avoided returning to the familiarity that felt safe yet was taking more than it could ever give. As I internalized this, I wrote Adversity Brings Balance. But it wasn’t a new story. I lived it, and I am living it because balance isn’t a destination we reach and settle into. Balance is a state we actively maintain.

Friend, hopefully most of us won’t choose to stay on the wheel because it is familiar. Instead, I hope we realize we’re going in the wrong direction and get off before we hit a wall.

For you and to you,
Aké

P.S. For this one, the accompaniment is Landslide by Stevie Nicks. The sentimental lyrics meet many at life’s crossroads.

Image credit: Pixabay | wfeco77