We all have needs and wants: Sometimes, we get all we want and then some. Other times, we hear no when we desperately want to hear yes. In those moments, a twinkle of hope may flicker when we are encouraged to try again. At less hopeful moments, our hearts might sink as we hear there is no chance of realizing our dreams! When this happens, we might try to console ourselves with popular idioms like: you win some and lose some, tomorrow is another day, or if at first you don’t succeed, try again. But when tired of struggling, we may resort to assigning blame. After all, disappointment can seem easier to bear if we believe someone is at fault. However, identifying who to blame for our unrealized dreams and unattained pursuits is not always easy.

Pursuing Dreams in Reality

Like some, I am an optimist: I view life through a realistic lens with a hopeful tint. Also, I dream boundlessly, as I shared at the onset of this year. And this is not unique to me! We all dream! Some of us dream daringly. We shoot for Sirius, the brightest star in our night sky. We know we may never reach it, but we believe a shot at the dream is worth the possible devastation. Therefore, we apply for our dream job, pursue the person of our dreams, and go on the daunting adventure.

All seems thrilling when we are dreaming. However, unconsciously, we wonder, if things do not pan out and my heart cracks into pieces, how will I recover? Shall I use blame as a coping strategy? If so, who will I blame? – This is a question we wrestle with. But how do we answer it?

Seeking answers to unanswered questions.

Imagine this: Two friends, Alfred and Jake, leave their homes in the East and travel to the Pacific Northwest for an outdoor adventure. Once there, they scope out the terrain and map the course for an adventurous hike. Alfred is more experienced and has hiked the trail before. Jake has not.
The following morning, at 4 am, Alfred rises and is ready to go! But he notices Jake is fast asleep. After a brief exchange, Alfred decides to make a head start and promises to leave clues at the most challenging point of the trek – by a specific Juniper tree. Exhausted from the flight, Jake appreciates the opportunity to sleep a little longer and encourages Alfred to forge ahead.

Three hours later, Alfred reaches the critical point. It entails crossing a gorge. Many hikers give up at that stage! Aware of this, he writes a thoughtful note with detailed instructions and an inspiring message for Jake. As promised, he places the note under a rock by the lone juniper tree and continues his journey.
Sometime later, uncharacteristically powerful winds sweep through the area, nudge the rock, and blow the precious note several feet away!

Soon after, Jake arrives at the gorge and locates the juniper tree. But he does not see Alfred’s note there. After searching under the glaring sun, Jake becomes frustrated and believes Alfred did not honor his word. Ironically, the precious note Alfred left for Jake is there. But it is not where it was supposed to be!

The blame game!

Who deserves to bear the brunt?
Alfred – Even though he dutifully did his part and left the note?
Jake – For prioritizing his rest and starting later?
The raging wind – For blowing unannounced?

Fellow explorer, life doesn’t always work out as we would like. – This is a human truth! Sometimes, no one is to blame, and searching for a culprit keeps us stuck. In such instances, the most beneficial strategy is to accept our loss, learn from the experience, and fix our eyes on the future.

Next time we find ourselves at one of these crossroads, I hope we remember this.

Until next time!

For you and to you,
Aké

Image credit: Pexels | Andrea Piacquadio