We all make mistakes and offend or hurt others. And instantly, we want to turn back the clock. Unable to do so, we beat ourselves up or wish the other person would magically forget what we did or said. However, this rarely happens! How could it? The other person is hurt, and it is hard to ignore a bleeding wound! Also, emotional self-flagellation never solved a problem. So, what can we do? What enables us to rectify our mistakes and cultivate healthy relationships? Consider one word: Humility! Humility is the mindset that enables one to right a wrong and earn the respect of others and oneself.

Unfortunately, I do not naturally possess this strength. Luckily, I frequently see it displayed! The three men I am closest to, i.e., my dad, brother-in-law, and nephew, are committed to being humble. They take accountability for their mistakes, seek to right wrongs, are highly conscious of their growth opportunities, and ask for help. From them, I see how this luminous quality affects the lives of those who cultivate and display it.

The luminous quality

I am deeply fond of my nephew. He is magnificent, and I thought I felt this way because of my endearing memories of him since his birth. However, I realized many feel the same: Mothers want their daughters to date him, girls hope he will notice and choose them, guys his age want to befriend him, and older men admire him. By the way, he is part of Generation Z! – The generation described as over-confident, entitled, and demanding. Of course, these characteristics might be visible in some members of Generation Z and others. However, my nephew displays characteristically different behavior!

He accepts his mistakes, knows he will always have room to grow, and is eager but patient to learn. For this reason, he is truly grateful when someone teaches him something new – even if it takes the form of correction.

A lesson in humility

When my nephew was in high school, like many high schoolers, he got a job at an ice cream shop. After working there for a few months, he had a performance review scheduled with his manager. Performance reviews are a conversation about an employee’s professional journey at a point in time: what they have accomplished, how they are performing, where they intend to go, what can hinder their progress, and how they can best arrive at their desired destination. – It sounds immensely beneficial. Unfortunately, for some, it isn’t!

Some performance reviews can feel like a verbal bloodbath wherein a person’s weaknesses are under a magnifying glass. And their strengths are skirted. At the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) expo in 2021, attendees learned that 34% of millennials and 25% of men reported crying during their annual performance reviews.

An inspiring outlook

Given this unfortunate reality, I was eager to learn what transpired at my nephew’s review and asked him: How was your performance discussion? Notably, for more than 2 decades, I have posed the same question to countless employees. But at the first pass, no one described theirs as he did: He said he appreciated the conversation because he learned what he could do better. Next, he elaborated on the specific feedback, focused on recommended improvements, and shared how he planned to grow.

Curious, I asked him which specific feedback he valued most. He responded I was most pleased to hear that my teammates said I was helpful, had grown a lot, and contributed much to our team, and they enjoyed working with me. His response blew me away! He was just 14 years old!

Humility: The seed for growth.

Recalling my experiences during such discussions with others, I expected him to focus on what he wanted the organization to give him, such as more perks or a raise. But he zoned in on what he could offer to strengthen the team. Intrigued, I inquired further. Quickly, I realized that he is acutely aware success is a team sport, to quote a wise man. Grounded in this belief, he is committed to growing and strengthening his relationships.

By the way, shortly after that performance review, he got a pay raise. He was thrilled! But most importantly, he learned the value of humility in developing relationships and attaining real success. From my nephew and others like him, I have seen how humility enables one to maintain healthy relationships with themselves and others. And I am always inspired!  If we intend to nurture strong relationships and make a positive impact at home and work, we must ditch the idea that we need to put ourselves and our interests above others to succeed. And instead, cultivate and practice humility!

Until next time!

For you and to you,
Aké

Image credit: Pixabay | StockSnap