A few days ago, I visited a precious friend named Dela. She and her husband are new parents to an ultra-yummy baby boy. Being with her was a treat, and spending time with her baby was the highlight! As I carried him, I kept telling him how special and incredibly cute he was. He must’ve agreed with my assertion as he kept smiling at me. 😊 Then, he fell asleep in my arms as I sang to him. As we interacted, my friend was beaming with joy!

The gift of friendship

My friend is kind, intelligent, well-traveled, and has much love to offer. Most importantly, we know each other deeply, and I trust her. She has been with me through some incredible challenges: When I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, on many days, she called me at 7:30 pm, which was 10:30 pm in her time zone. We would speak for 3 hours. Then, she would sleep for four and a half hours, get up, and go to work. She loves to sleep. Yet sacrificed it to be with me so I would not feel alone.

Today, we live in the same time zone and chat during the daytime! But our discussions are not shorter. On average, they last two hours by phone and in person, four hours! We discuss everything and anything, including our past, present, future aspirations, and, of course, the state of the world and humanity! We do not agree on everything. But we respect and care for each other. I always feel wanted and accepted by her. Ultimately, I feel loved.

What does it mean to love another?

After hanging out with my friend and her baby, I contemplated the meaning of loving someone, and one word kept coming to mind: grace. Then, I wondered: What could being and feeling loved have to do with grace? As I pondered this, I realized that, like many, I was perceiving love one-dimensionally, specifically, what I required from others to feel satisfied and safe. But love is not about profiting from others. Also, it is not a mere feeling. It is an action and begins with giving, not receiving. We recognize true love when one gives generously with no expectations. And what enables this?

Consider one word: grace! Nowadays, grace can be a loaded word. We might perceive it as a weakness whereby we allow others to take advantage of us. Or as obscure religious talk, with the term conjuring stale images of ancient figures on stained glass windows. However, it is neither of the above! Grace is the mindset that considers the well-being of others. It is treating another better than their actions merit or better than they deserve. To understand grace, one must understand true love.

Love, grace, and others

The other day, my dad and I were chatting about the meaning of friendship. And he said something profound! He said to a true friend, your joys and struggles are personal. They rejoice at your triumphs and seek solutions to your challenges – like they were theirs.
When I think of my 15-year relationship with my friend, this resonates – deeply! A primary reason why we are close is because she walks with me and is gracious to me. And in so doing, she loves me: She looks beyond my flaws, holds me accountable, sees the best in me, and hopes for the best! I hope she feels like I offer the same to her. Coming to think of it, recently, I have not asked her! But now, I will!

Fellow explorer: Being gracious is seeing another blunder and holding them accountable. But not captive. And we can do so when we are grounded in true love. Grace is a must-have in a friendship.
Today, who needs to hear and know that you value them – despite their flaws?

For you and to you,
Aké

Image credit: Pixabay | Toan_Le