The Life Puzzles Series: Piece 7

We often hear about the need to consider what matters to others.
Just as critical is knowing what matters to you. Because what deeply matters to you controls you.

For a long while, my answer to the question, what matters to you, was one word: TIME!
The reason for this response was as unsettling as it was sure. Simply put, I do not know how much time I have, and I cannot redeem it. – I cannot save some today to have more of it tomorrow. I cannot buy back some once it passes by.  Neither can I transfer it to a loved one. Indeed, time is elusive.

The elusive thing

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, time is a nonspatial continuum measured in terms of events that succeed one another from the past through the present to the future. We are all beneficiaries of this elusive thing indiscriminately. – Each of us experiences seven days a week, twenty-four hours in one day, sixty minutes in an hour, and sixty seconds in a minute. The essence and uniqueness of time make it the great equalizer of all humankind – regardless of wealth, health, socio-economic status, or any other point of difference.

Perplexingly, each of us knows how long we have lived. But no one knows how much remains in their hourglass. Yet, we plan our lives with unflinching certainty, as if we know all the future holds. – This is puzzling!

The mysterious nature of time

For far too long, I was disturbed by my lack of control over time. To express my frustration, I would say, I do not need to control your time, but I want to control mine. My frustration was visible whenever another did not honor a commitment. At such moments, I said, I am frustrated because this delay has cost me time. And it is priceless!

Peculiarly, I would not say the actions or inactions of another cost me money – the thing that most of us value tremendously. I focused on what was limited in supply. And when gone, was lost forever. I felt robbed when another wasted my time, and such offenses appeared unforgivable. Fortunately, at some point, I learned that while all offenses may be unacceptable, all are forgivable because forgiveness is a choice. Also, I realized the folly of believing I ever owned time.

The folly of time ownership

Humans can own a lot, such as cars, homes, and toys, but not time. Attempting to own time is like grasping water in your palm with a tight fist. Nonetheless, time is crucial, as it is the tape measure of our lives. But we do not know where the tape ends. For this reason, we might resent those we believe rob us of it. And this is also a waste of time.

After facing disappointment from unrealized dreams and experiencing hope deferred, which makes the heart sick, I was forced to examine my relationship with time. Through this, I learned an unexpected lesson: There is a direct correlation between what we value greatly and our greatest weaknesses. – A lover of money may struggle to be generous. One obsessed with social acceptance may struggle to empower others.  In my case, my extreme fixation on time groomed a spirit of impatience. – Realizing this connection propelled me to grow – ever so slowly. 😉

Finding strength from weakness

As many say, patience is a virtue. – The admirable quality that enables one to lead a joyful life, knowing that what appears as a loss today could be a necessary delay.
Ironically, many loved ones describe me as a patient person. In the past, whenever they said so, I thought to myself, who are they talking about? Because I was acutely aware that beneath my composed demeanor, a sea raged as impatience grew, and impatience is a weakness. Fortunately, getting close to our weaknesses offers lessons that strengthen us.

After many years trapped in the ball of impatience, I learned the folly of wrestling with time. And I grew a little. – I traded the raging sea for a babbling brook, and I still have a ways to go. But who’s counting years? 😊 Admittedly, I would not yet describe myself as patient. However, I understand the cost of impatience. And I know avoiding its stronghold over me requires extinguishing my fixation, or dare I say, idolization of time. To enable this, I remind myself that time matters, but perspective is invaluable.

Friend, what matters most to you controls you, often with negative ramifications if you do not understand and manage your relationship with it. And I leave you with one critical question: What matters to you?

Here’s a little something for the restless and friends of the restless: A piece called The Strength of Patience.

For you and to you,
Aké

Image credit: Pixabay | Schnauzer