About fifteen years ago, I made a daring decision! I took a five-week trip to Africa and completely unplugged: no cellphone, laptop, or social media.  While there, I was excited for much and enjoyed plenty! – Warm weather, an abundance of exotic fruits, and candid conversations. But I was not ready for what became a recurring theme at almost every gathering: Interrogations about my unwed status! Wherever I went, young women, older women, and older men asked: Aké, are there no men in America?!

It seemed all expected me to show up with a husband and a kid or two! Stunned and disappointed I hadn’t, they concluded America must be like Themyscira: the fantasy nation with no men. But my response surprised them even more. Whenever someone insinuated this, I responded: There are many men in America, coupled with what appears to be a growing divorce rate. Fortunately, I am not looking for just any man. I need the one suited for me, and we have not yet met, but we shall. Stay tuned! 😉

What do you want?

Over the years, to make their wish come true, caring friends tried to set me up with those they believed might appeal to me. While grateful for their efforts, I faced an unexpected challenge: How do I articulate what I want and need in this unknown yet special person?

Early on, when asked, I would enumerate the typical build-a-husband specs: handsome, buff, athletic, intelligent, kind, confident, leader, and many other dreamy qualities! Excitedly, many would introduce me to their versions of such a character. But it never seemed right. I described a fantasy – a perfect person but sought a human – a growing person. My description was appropriate for diversion and deficient for a partner to co-create life. In time, I realized what was missing but truly mattered: Decision-making prowess! Making good decisions when it matters most and learning from mistakes is the difference between a well-lived life and one laced with regret.

Last week, I shared a piece about a haunting story: A love story seen through the eyes of a man who lived a life of regret. – Constantly wondering if his decision to hide from the one he truly loved and valued ̶ out of fear of rejection, was the worst and costliest in his life.

Every decision has a cost.

Irrefutably, decision-making is a vital skill! A research study in the UK found that over a lifetime, the average person will make almost 780,000 decisions and regret almost 144,000, or about 18.5%. Of course, if the decisions we regret are limited to the flavors in our Monday lattes, we will probably manage. 😊 However, with critical decisions such as taking a life-saving medication or choosing and uniting with our life partner, we may not be able to afford regret. Consequently, the skill to make good decisions is a must-have, not a nice-to-have! To me, it truly matters!

Fellow explorer: What matters most to you in a best friend, business partner, or life partner?

For you and to you,
Aké

Image credit: Pexels | Leeloo The First