What must one do to WIN?
Hey there! I have a silly question…Would you like to win? Of course, you would! 🙂
We all want to win – the lottery, home bid, and affection of the one we love. However, winning is not so easy, because it is often preceded by discomfort. But discomfort is not necessarily bad. Sometimes, it is necessary as it presents an opportunity and signals a need to stretch, know ourselves better, and grow.
To illustrate this, let me share a bit of my story.
Go through, not around, discomfort.
For as long as I can remember, I have dreamt of being married – not the dress, ring, or fancy party. Instead, day-to-day mundanity, punctuated by thrilling adventures of co-creating life with another. Yes, I imagine Saturday mornings when we talk about everything. And others when we say little. Yet enjoy them all the same.
Over the years, observing couples, I gathered that marriage was indeed a bed of roses filled with lush petals and a few thorns, as my mom says. Succeeding requires more than a desire to tie a knot. Therefore, I committed to strict training and readying myself for marriage by not only looking outward but also searching inward. Among other things, this necessitated drawing close to my Creator to subdue my perfectionist tendencies and accept my flawed self so that I may graciously receive another who is also flawed.
My greatest treasure is my relationship with my Creator. Today, we speak the same language, but we didn’t in the beginning. As I shared in Co-creating Life, our relationship used to be quite combative. I was a sensitive and wounded puppy with a low sense of awareness. Also, I believed I was offering way more than I was receiving and merited His love. Therefore, I was scorned when He didn’t offer it as I wanted. Today, this sounds wildly unreasonable! But I didn’t think so back then!
Our conversations were whiny monologues. – I whined. He held onto me, endeared me, earned my respect, and we formed an unshakeable bond.
Point of no return.
Here was the turning point: Seemingly suddenly, I made a life-changing discovery: Expressions of vulnerability, consistent bids for connection, and being chosen are catalysts for trust and desire. – It activates commitment and loyalty to a point of no return. The wall of independence is replaced by a bridge for interdependence. A mere person transforms into one I am committed to. As their greatest supporter, I am dedicated to helping spread their greatness far and wide like pollen in a botanical garden.
This realization was a turning point in my relationship with my Creator. I saw Him for who He was, was grateful, and traded whines and complaints for tender, reverent, and intimate expressions! Even when tears overflowed, I told Him, “I am frustrated beyond understanding. But I will never leave you. I trust you, and you are worth it.” What moved me to utter those words repeatedly for over two decades, I might never truly know. But I am grateful I did, and I meant it.
And the story continues…
Winning, Commitment, and Connection
Still, I struggled to accept that I was undeserving and toed the line with my heart wrapped in a self-protective covering. I often reminded God of my unique track record. With such a defensive mindset, all I could offer was compliance, not connection. And without connection, a relationship is doomed to fail!
To grow, I adopted a rejuvenation practice. It consisted of serene retreats in nature, journaling, music, and reflection. And I learned a lot!
Some Lessons
– Commitment is security – it is present in the darkest hour and on the brightest day, and does not take days off!
– Some unrealized dreams are merely deferred not denied. They are moments when time has not yet met opportunity. To win, we must be patient.
– In life, we win by adopting and practicing a better way of thinking and being. Life is the real game.
– Winners are optimistic and embrace discomfort by listening to the message it sends and learning from it. The win comes after the struggle. Perhaps that’s why winning is so sweet.
– Discomfort is necessary for a winner’s journey. It propels growth. We must embrace discomfort to win!
Fellow explorer, I hope you do not let uneasiness or fear stand in the way of your future.
Bye for now.
For you and to you,
Aké
Image credit: Pixabay | Karlneo
