“I wanted to let you know I am getting divorced.”
A long time ago, a friend called me and whispered these words – breathlessly! Unfortunately, those heart-wrenching words are familiar. But the dreadful sound of endless sobbing that accompanies them is not! Each time is like none other: My jaw drops as my heart sinks. And that faithful Saturday afternoon was no different! But what ensued many months later was. It was an awakening to reality!

A harsh reality

Out of the blue, their ex-spouse reached out and expressed profound sorrow, regret, and remorse. They apologized for devaluing them, questioning their worth, taking them for granted, and requiring that they put up with more than they should ever have. At last, they realized they were bestowed a precious gift in human form. However, as they did not esteem it, they lost it. Sadly, it felt like it was their hour of reckoning.

Markedly, the heartfelt apology was starkly different from earlier times when vitriol was the norm. And I could not help but wonder where the seemingly sudden change of heart came from. Was it born of deep reflection under a fig tree? Or the effect of distance making the heart grow fonder? Or, perhaps, the realization that growing older alone can be undesirable? I’d reckon like a potpourri basket; it was a bit of each and probably more.

Unfortunately, this story is not unique: Statistical data suggests at least one-third of people regret divorcing. And the reasons are varied! The number rises to 80 percent for ex-spouses who did so for the wrong reasons and felt it could have been prevented with more effort. As we all know, the tendency to regret making decisions that affect our lives is not limited to divorce. Therefore, the story above and others like it urge us to ask, what propels regretful decision-making?

The world of decision-making

Many decisions are made at the intersection of emotions, perspectives, and reality.

Today, opinions are frequently expressed as facts and perspectives as reality. By so doing, we put emotions on the throne and throw reason by the wayside. Additionally, individuals seem increasingly fixated on declaring what reality is and is not – as they perceive it! Hence, we have coined the phrase, my truth. Of course, we are all entitled to our feelings and perspectives.

Perspective is a point of view: a position from which we consider or evaluate something. It is how we see the world, ourselves, each other, and ideas. And it is subjective. However, there is also that which just is – as it is! It is reality. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines reality as something that is neither derivative nor dependent but exists – necessarily.
Though distinct, the line between perspective and reality can be thin.

Emotions, perspectives, and reality

In the late 90s, one spring day, I visited a lush garden in Tuscany, Italy. I was on a school field trip with 17 or so schoolmates. Amidst gardenia shrubs and rose bushes, my heart felt heavy, I was downcast, and the skies appeared grey – as I wrote in my journal. Also, I described dark clouds looming over me.

Years later, when I lived in Seattle, I found an album of photos I took on the trip. The day was sunny, and the cloudless sky was a brilliant expanse of blue. And there were no picture filters back then. Instantly, I recalled my journal entry: My description of grey skies was an honest depiction of how I felt, what I sensed and therefore saw. – It was my perspective. However, it was not a realistic portrayal of the environment.

Fellow explorer: as 2025 floats by, may we remain in tune with our emotions, examine our perspectives, and weigh our decisions on the scale of reality.

Until next time.

For you and to you,
Aké

Image credit: Pexels | Olia Danilevich