When I was a child, I observed marriages where controlling behavior was dominant. In them, I did not see love. It all led me to wonder whether there were two types of marriages: marriages of love and marriages of control. My parents were loving partners – they discussed everything and were kind to each other. Unfortunately, I was also aware of instances where women were subdued verbally and sometimes, physically. The women were suffering. They were married, and their husbands were there, but as their husbands were controlling, they felt unsafe and alone. – To be married but alone is a contradiction – a warped reality!

A relationship destroyer.

As I saw and heard of many suffering under such a predicament, I realized that when control is a defining characteristic of a relationship, one would be better off staying away, as control does not always kill the body; however, it certainly kills the soul.

Fortunately, I witnessed beautiful examples of true love and learned that when right, marriage is an unshakeable bond. An underpinning of unshakeable bonds is vulnerability. And, to cultivate a relationship that can withstand life’s storms, we must relinquish the tendency to control others and embrace vulnerability.

True vulnerability

Earlier this year, after several weeks of my dad’s extended hospital stay, during which he was lying on a hospital bed continuously, he needed help walking. While he was at the hospital, he made herculean progress in inpatient physical therapy, and when he left, he continued outpatient physical therapy (PT) several times a week! During one of the sessions, his physical therapist came to the waiting room and called him into the gym. After taking a few steps, he reached the door and sensed that my mom was not next to him. Immediately, he turned around, called her name, and gently said, would you come with me? She smiled, stood up, and went to him.

Notably, he didn’t fake an injury like a player in the FIFA World Cup to lure her to him. Instead, he humbly asked her. Additionally, he wasn’t concerned about what the 15+ guests in the waiting room would think if she refused to accompany him.

A request, not a command.

I have always loved the “no games, frills, or drills” approach my dad uses with my mom. He does not manipulate her. Confidently, he asks her for what he wants and respects her will. As I observed their exchange, I smiled and thought, this man definitely got his girl! They belong together!

That day, I was inspired because my dad was not concerned about what others might think if my mom declined his request to accompany him. He was laser-focused on his woman (as he calls my mom) and hoped she would agree to go with him. However, he was also open to her deciding not to. It was a subtle yet powerful illustration of vulnerability, i.e., publicly expressing a need of someone by making a request – not a command or manipulative ploy.

Vulnerability is one of my dad’s superpowers – a powerful display of masculinity and a preeminent reason why, to me, every day is Dad’s Day.

Happy Father’s Day 2026 to all dads!

For you and to you,
Aké