Have you ever felt undervalued or belittled by someone? Perhaps they address you derogatorily by a term, not your name. Or expect you to come as you are and reveal yourself without affording you the same honor and privilege.
Several days ago, I had a perplexing experience of this sort! Many of us have probably experienced something similar. Via social media, someone contacted me with an unrecognizable and unverifiable identity and initiated a conversation as someone I know. Given how they presented themselves, I could not tell who they were, and I had to make a choice: Questioning their veracity, unable to get confirmation that they were who they claimed to be, unaware whether it was a catfish incident, and keen on making the right decision, I chose to be cautious and not engage! Seemingly upset by my response, they responded condescendingly and disrespectfully.

The power of choice

In the past, if someone behaved in such a manner, I would not resist letting them know how negative their behavior and words were and the ensuing impact on me. But this time was different: All that time I had spent acquiring knowledge and putting it into practice yielded a harvest, and I was poised to pluck the fruit! Quickly, I realized I was hurt, not angry. And greater awareness demands a better response! I knew spitting out hurtful words would be an impulsive reaction that might temporarily soothe my hurt but bruise the other person. And it is not the type of impact I want to have on others.

Additionally, I chose not to view them as an evil person who set out to wound me. That could certainly be one explanation. However, their words could also be born of insecurity, an attempt not to feel what they might have interpreted as rejection, and difficulty coping with vulnerability. Regardless of the reasons for their actions, treating others poorly is unacceptable and lays the foundation for disdain in a relationship! Therefore, I chose not to respond similarly and pursue an alternate route: the high road.

The high road

The path of grace is the high road, and it is demanding. Being gracious is the long game. For this reason, it often feels like a loss in the short term. However, it always yields superior results by enabling one to be intentional and thoughtful. On the other hand, falling to the whims of our emotions and catering to our insecurities is the easy road. And eventually, it weakens our character. We all know this! But why do we often neglect to do the right thing and rush to satisfy our egos? Only to eventually lose the respect of the one from whom we need it most! – Ourselves!

Is such a compromise born of a fragile ego, momentary lapses, or something else? Scared to admit any of the above, many of us might settle for a common excuse to justify our misdeeds: Fear!

A flimsy excuse

Fear is real! Like all of us, I sense it, write about it, speak about it, and probably always will. Enveloped in fear, we may feel so threatened by others that we step on them to stand. Then, we struggle to find the courage and humility to apologize. And embarrassed, blame fright for our misdeeds. But when we hurt another, fear makes for a flimsy excuse and does not enable reconciliation. Therefore, what if we set it aside and choose what is known as the practical manifestation of wisdom? Caution!

Wisdom in a choice

Caution is the realm of sound judgment. Being cautious involves encountering fear and applying sound judgment to avoid making mistakes or causing undue harm.
– Fear drives us to make assumptions and react to them. Caution urges us to ask questions, ponder, and make a deliberate decision.
– Fear leads us to react to impulses. Caution compels us to consider the ramifications of our actions before making them.
– When we act out of fear, we are erratic. But when we are cautious, we are intentional.
Exercising caution in decision-making is critical to leading a fulfilled life and contributing positively to others.

Fellow explorer: Next time we feel hurt by someone, may we consider being cautious, not reactive.

Until next time!

For you and to you,
Aké

Image credit: Pixabay | Kvrkchowdari