Do you ever experience moments when your thoughts float like bubbles? Some connect, flow, and clarity surfaces in a coherent thought or idea, while others float solo into oblivion. I have many bubble-floating moments in my mind. I also have memories of bubbles floating out of bottles. One of the most vivid is from my childhood!

When I was five years old, a loving couple my parents met when they attended the University of Washington traveled to Africa to visit our family. I thoroughly enjoyed their stay and was enchanted by one of their gifts – bottles of party bubbles for my sister and me! As soon as I laid my eyes on the pink bottle, I took the wand, and as I released my breath through it, a bubble floated out the other side. Instantly, I fell in love. Today, I still enjoy playing with bubbles. It plunges me into a new world free of worries and filled with dreams. One might say I am a big kid. Indeed, I am! And I am in no rush to change that. 😊

An anticipated visit

When the couple visited us, they were in their 70s. I still remember seeing them walk out of the plane onto the runway as if it were yesterday. Their grey hair looked silvery. The man strolled in high-waisted khaki pants and a blue and white striped shirt. And the lady wore loose-fitting light blue jeans and a pinkish t-shirt. One word described them: Sweet! After hearing endearing stories about them from my parents, I was excited to meet them! But I could not rid my mind of a pressing thought: what would I call them?
Aunty and Uncle? No. They seemed too old for that.
Mom and Dad? Nope! As far as I was concerned, no one but my parents deserved that title.
Grandma and Grandpa? Perhaps. But would that mean they were replacing my grannies and grandpas, i.e., the parents of my parents? I wondered, and it did not sit right with me!

Bewildered, I asked my parents what I should do about my dilemma! 😉

Why clarity matters!

After discussing it with my parents, I decided to refer to the elderly couple as grandparents out of respect. Essentially, they were grandparents by association, not endearment. We are all familiar with these: The acquaintance that you call a friend. The longtime friend of your dad that you call uncle. Or the distant relative that you call your cousin. These are polite gestures intended to avoid offending others. Often, they meet the desired need: Everyone feels good, and hurt feelings are kept at bay if both parties agree on the title’s significance. But if there is misalignment, unclarity fosters, misunderstanding grows, and confusion breeds. – This is the consequence of allowing muddy waters to fester in relationships.

Muddy waters in relationships

Case in point: I would not refer to the sweet elderly couple as grandma and grandpa in front of my maternal and paternal grandparents. – Because, as a kid, I felt my grannies and grandpas had earned those titles. Therefore, I assumed it would hurt their feelings and confuse others if they heard me using the esteemed titles on anyone else. Similar to how in a relationship, a man might feel if he were dating a woman and heard her refer to another man as her boyfriend. Whether the man she was referring to is an ex-boyfriend, a best friend, or otherwise, her action would likely perturb the man she is dating. Unfortunately, it could also lead him to pull back his heart and perhaps jump ship, aka leave the relationship, because it introduces unclarity. Unclarity muddies the waters. Muddy water clouds the view and evokes insecurity, which drives others to get out of the water.

But this does not only happen in our personal lives. It happens in our professional lives as well.

The destructive nature of unclarity

Unclarity paves the way for ruin – in relationships, endeavors, and futures.
For example, in the workplace, if a team leader tells an employee that they are slightly better than average but not all that great. Or a manager takes away an assignment from an employee while offering a vague explanation or none at all! What is happening?
Are the team leader and manager’s actions a display of passive-aggressive behavior, jealousy, or other estranged feelings? Or are they following orders from up the chain? Who knows?? One thing is clear: As the rationale for the leader’s actions is unclear, they cloud the employee’s view and lead to confusion and insecurity. Unsurprisingly, in such situations, when tired of sitting in the brown pool, the employee is likely to take the first opportunity to jump ship, aka quit.

As we know from experience, unclarity introduces uncertainty, insecurity, and unsafety. And we can introduce unclarity through what we say and do. Or what we avoid saying and omit to do. In relationships, gaining clarity is pivotal. Clarity is the state or quality of being easily seen through. With a clear view, everyone knows where they stand and can decide how to proceed. As we go forth, may we courageously seek clarity, provide clarity, and help others to do the same.

Until next time!

For you and to you,
Aké

A little something

For more insights on spotting the source of misunderstandings, you may check out The Backdrop Effect!

Image credit: Pexels | Kampus Production