Last week, we looked into what enables a person to be accountable or to take ownership and responsibility for their actions. Today, we will explore the subject of accountability from a different angle, i.e., what discourages one from being accountable? To grasp this, let us consider the heart-thumping and emotion-arousing subject of judgment.

“Don’t judge me! You are so judgmental!”

Have you ever heard these phrases or some variation of them? I bet many of us have said or heard these words. As we uncovered last week, others can enable us to take accountability. However, a person can also discourage another from taking accountability by being judgmental. Being judgmental is viewed as a negative quality. The term describes someone who often rushes to judgment without reason, as detailed in Vocabulary.com, an online platform dedicated to raising the bar on word knowledge.

Colloquially, saying someone is judgmental infers that the person is quick to find fault and condemn others. Now, hearing this, you might be thinking, Phew! That most definitely does not apply to me! I am very open-minded. Such a reaction is not surprising: When we meet someone new or in an interview, most of us will describe ourselves as even-keeled, thoughtful, and fair. Essentially, as one who consistently shows good judgment and is neither too hot nor cold!
However, there is a dose of judgmentalism in all of us! Sometimes, we may not even realize we are being judgmental until someone else points it out considerately so that we receive it. If your shoulders tense up when you read this, I encourage you to relax, and I will share a personal experience to elucidate the point.

A routine visit

One Friday morning in the summer, I went to a blood testing clinic. There was nothing special about the day or visit. The weather was warm, with the temperature in the mid-80s, as is customary at that time of year. Also, my appointment was a routine visit for blood tests that I was required to do every month.

Once I walked into the clinic, I spotted a phlebotomist, and within a few minutes, she called me to the front desk. There, I presented the blood work order that my doctor prescribed. She glanced at the document, furrowed her eyebrows, rolled her eyes, and began to cancel certain items on the order with a black pen. Then, she informed me that the order was incorrect, and I needed to take it back to the doctor’s office and inform them of their mistake. However, out of the kindness of her heart, she will draw the blood – this time.

Who is at fault, and who is the judge?

Candidly, I was not sure what to make of her behavior! – Had the doctor’s office submitted the wrong order? Was the phlebotomist helping me by correcting a mistake? Or was she overstepping her bounds? I did not know her motive or the extent of her qualifications or abilities. And as the medical field is not my bailiwick, other than phrases like, really? and is that so?… I said little. Nervous about the needle pricking, as I always am, I was eager to have the blood drawn. Once done, I thanked her for her time and took off!

Days later, I went to the doctor for a follow-up appointment and informed them of the corrections to the blood work order. The nurse stated that they did not receive the needed results because of the order changes that the phlebotomist made. However, she contacted the lab directly to request what they needed.
I was puzzled and made a mental note but decided not to probe.

What now?

About thirty days later, I returned to the blood test clinic to complete the routine blood work. While there, I saw the same phlebotomist and immediately realized she was in a foul mood. – She dismissed patients seemingly indiscriminately and complained audibly about their inability to follow her simple and clear instructions. Several minutes later, she called my name loudly, and I promptly approached her desk – unsure what awaited me.

Once there, she asked me to fill out a form. I stood a few feet away and proceeded to fill out the form – estimating it would take no more than a couple of minutes. Without warning and for no apparent reason, she slammed the glass window and shielded herself from the crowd of approximately 17 patients. Given the loud bang of the glass on the sill and her prior behavior, it seemed she was swatting us like flies. 😊 It was a bizarre experience!

Now, let us fast forward!

A surprisingly pleasant exchange

Like clockwork, the next month, I went to the clinic. But this time was different! Once I walked in, the same lady—the phlebotomist from the prior two visits beckoned me to the front desk. There, she said, Ms. Aké, what a beautiful name! Long time no see! Next, she asked me how I was doing and took me to a drawing room where she completed the blood draw. The exchange was pleasant: she made jokes and freely shared about her family, especially her 9-year-old daughter. Then, as I left the drawing room, she wished me a good day and said she looked forward to seeing me the following month.

Hmmm! I was puzzled all the more: Same person. Same location. Same activity. But my experience was night and day. What changed? Had she received a negative performance review and a stern warning? Did she wake up on the good side of the bed that morning? Or had she won the lottery and given a two-week notice? Who knows??
What I did know was I had confidently formed a conclusion about who she was as a person based on my experience in the past two visits. However, her current behavior challenged my supposition that she was a not-so-nice person who was temperamental and difficult to engage with.

Forming judgments!

Days later, while chatting with my sister, I mentioned the experience, and her response challenged me! After listening to the narration above, my sister responded: I wonder how happy the woman is in her job! She seems frustrated. Perhaps she struggles to get through her day. Her behavior might be a product of her work environment.
When I heard my sister speak these words, I was embarrassed because I realized I formed a conclusion about who the lady was with limited information. In essence, I had been judgmental.

As you read this, you might think I was fully justified in passing judgment because the woman did not act professionally – more than once! Yep! Those were my thoughts exactly! But I also had to wrestle with one question: when one behaves unprofessionally or rudely twice or thrice, does that justify another passing judgment on who they are?
I certainly hope not! Because we all behave poorly at times. Also, while we usually paste a smile on our faces, most people do not know the substance of our experiences or the temperature of our hearts. – We may coin our not-so-nice moments as days when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Also, we may refer to the inconsistencies in behavior as good days and bad days. Acknowledging that this applies to us all is essential to not forming quick judgments about ourselves and others. As it enables us to separate behavior from who a person is.

Sound judgment or being judgy?

I would be remiss if I did not point out that I am not advocating for giving poor behavior a pass. The notion that we know who a person truly is, by what they do, not merely what they say, bears truth: It points to the need to exercise sound judgment – a valuable quality to hone personally and professionally. On the other hand, as we know, being judgy or quick to criticize people wreaks havoc on relationships.

In pursuit of growth, here is something worth pondering: Barring emergencies, do you form quick conclusions – with limited information? What resources do you employ to support your decision? What assumptions do you make, and how does it serve you?

For you and to you,
Aké

Image credit: Pexels | Keira Burton