We tend to either aggrandize or minimize ourselves. Sometimes it is intentional. Other times, it is not. Either way, it prevents us from having a complete or realistic self-image, and to gain that viewpoint, we need a mirror. Here, our people are invaluable.

As I shared last time, I have long been fascinated by the idea of knowing my people and understanding what makes them mine. Cultivating relationships with our people is a mutual investment of heart, mind, and time. They are our mirrors, reflecting who we truly are – not our broken pieces – but our whole selves. For this reason, sometimes, we need them to lead.

Please take the lead.

At birth, I won the heavenly lottery because being born to my mom is like winning a jackpot with no limit! She is a phenomenal human. Her reservoirs of commitment, love, and faithfulness overflow, making her remarkable in every role – wife, mom, grandma, friend, and every other, including psychologist. With her background and knowledge, being bullied was just as difficult for me to experience as it was for my mom to process. But she never left my side! I credit her for saving my life because she helped me to face a dark reality when it mattered most.

One evening, I had dinner, did my homework, and went to bed at 8:30 pm. Everything appeared normal, but it was not. I believed I would go to my elementary school the following day and end up in the grave. Fortunately, my mom sensed something was off and came to me. That night, she and my dad helped me shed my fears and expose the secret that the bully instructed me to keep.

Many years later, I needed her to show up for me again in a different way.

Our mirrors help us see ourselves clearly.

One day, my maladaptive perfectionist tendencies, specifically harsh self-criticism, surfaced. While discussing with my mom, I spoke about myself in a self-condemnatory manner. It was not unusual because, for someone with self-oriented perfectionist tendencies, self-forgiveness is a distant thought. Immediately, my mom looked at me with soft eyes and said, “Please, do not speak like that. You are talking about my child.”

Instantly, I stopped in my tracks, and when I looked at her, I could tell she was hurt because I had insulted her child. Ironically, I was the child. That day, my mom helped me realize that by not loving myself, I was aiming arrows at her heart.
I always knew she loved me. But I was not aware that the value she placed in me could also be a source for my self-worth. It was enlightening, and I appreciated my worth more.

Through honesty, courage, and compassion, our people help us to see our whole selves and recognize our real value.
They are our mirrors.

Until next time.

For you and to you,
Aké

Image credit: Pixabay | MartinOPhuc