She is highly principled!
Years ago, in my absence, my wonderful sister, Jessie, described me as such. I was honored to hear it because Jessie is like none other! She knows me well, and as usual, she was onto something: The tendency to stick to my values and principles is core to who I am. Fortunately, it has served me well by deterring me from making mistakes I cannot live with. Additionally, it propels me to go to extreme lengths to right a wrong – when it matters.
However, behind every strength is a weakness – an Achilles heel. Being principled is no different! Such a person displays unwavering commitment. So much so that even when things appear to falter, they can tend to stand their ground with the stubbornness of a mule. I know the feeling all too well!

Of course, individuals are not defined by just one characteristic. I also feel deeply and can be very expressive. While exciting, this can pose a risk! As feelings are inherently unstable and transitory, they make reckless drivers. It is unwise to place them at the helm of destiny―steering our path.

What is at the helm of your destiny?

I shudder to think of the life I would lead if I allowed my feelings to drive my actions: Succumbing to my homebody proclivity, I’d recline in the comfort of my home and miss critical get-togethers. Also, I would live on four hours of sleep each day and feel invincible like Wonder Woman―until I crashed! Then, I would have one too many bars of Amedei Porcelana chocolate and end up in the doctor’s office! ☹

Professionally, I bet we can all think of how total submission to our feelings would wreck our lives: When we feel our boss is unreasonable, we might not resist telling them off! Or, when exhausted, we might turn off our alarms, snuggle under the sheets, and not show up for work. Fortunately, we don’t always give in to our feelings. Sometimes, we exercise the silent power of self-control. In those moments, we avert disaster and become our heroes!

Although feelings are unavoidable, a life led by them is dangerous.
Like an uninvited guest, feelings show up without warning. What we do with them when they surface is what makes them good or bad.

The upside of feelings

As was stated in a Psychology Today article, getting in touch with our feelings is vital as they impact every part of our lives, for better or worse. Learning to recognize, acknowledge, and manage them enables us to move our lives in a positive direction.

Last week, I was sautéing vegetables. Instantly, I felt a burning sensation on my palm. Unknowingly, I had placed my hand on the corner of the bowl, not the handle. Ouch! That burning feeling spared me a visit to the Emergency Room! Indeed, feelings have their place. When we stop feeling, there is a problem. Our opportunity is to learn to manage our emotions well.

Managing emotions

Managing ourselves, including our emotions and feelings, becomes easier when we know who we are.
I am a passionate and expressive person. I often think with the blend of cultures in my background, I could not be anything else! – Perhaps this is a convenient excuse. 🙂
Regardless, I must also work hard to manage my emotions. To enable this, I adopted a practice: During a conversation, if I feel pressure rising or tightness in my chest, I request a time-out, walk to a quiet area alone, listen to classical or inspirational music, pray, and journal. Typically, after this mini-retreat, I am prepared to discuss what threw me off base – kindly. Each time, I am grateful that I decided to pause and reflect rather than carry on and say something regrettable.

Of course, this is one practice that benefits me. You may prefer another. I hope you explore and find what works best for you. If you are out of ideas, consider asking a friend who knows and loves you.

For you and to you,
Aké

Image credit: Pexels | Yan Krukau