Many of us are familiar with the fear of allowing ourselves to be seen and known. This fear stems from the risk of trusting others, being vulnerable, and exposing ourselves to hurt and harm. Like the rest of us, I have encountered this hurdle. However, I did not realize the urgent need to clear it until I arrived at a pivotal crossroads.

In my 30s, I was mysteriously diagnosed with a chronic neurological condition. I still remember listening to my neurologist share the news. I sat quietly in his office, wringing my hands yet trying to appear calm. As he explained the diagnosis, his speech sounded like gibberish, yet as clear as day. My knowledge of the condition was limited. But I was intimately aware of some effects on my body. Seeing the terror in my eyes, he attempted to ease my fears by saying in many words that it was not a death sentence. However, to me, it was a life sentence, and I thought it would shatter my heart. But instead, it allowed me to see the cracks that were there long before and seek refuge: I could not heal alone. I needed to draw close to my true friends and embrace unity. Unity is the gift of joining your tribe.

Joining our tribe

Nowadays, we hear a lot about finding your tribe, aka your people: those who value and accept you, not merely tolerate or use you. But less attention is given to joining them. Joining our tribe entails allowing others into our hearts, not solely our address books or homes. Unsurprisingly, it also requires accepting others as they are while giving them room to grow.

Unity happens when two or more people acknowledge their differences, accept each other, align on purpose, and are of one mind. We cannot embrace unity until we look and see beyond ourselves.
To be unified, one person must go first. – Initiate the connection, express a desire to get closer, and build something together. Often, we want the other person to take the first step. If they do not rise to the challenge, we conclude nothing happened. However, something did! – We missed forming a connection. It might have been a valuable gift. But now is an unknown loss.

How do we avoid such missteps?

Planting seeds of unity

Rather than wait, how about we initiate?
Introduce yourself. Make the first phone call. Ask the first question.
And when we do, let us make it about the other person: Do them a favor, even if it is as small as leaving a note at their desk saying, you knocked the presentation out of the park! Or sending a text message saying I hope your daughter’s recital went well!

When sincere, small acts of kindness endear others. Ironically, they also help us to feel closer to others because we have invested in them. Through this, we foster trust and build unity.

Might I add, if your kindness is not well-received, do not let poor reception from others deter you! They might be having a bad day. Or perhaps they are not in your tribe. Shake it off, choose diligently, and keep going!

Until next time!

For you and to you,
Aké

Image credit: Pexels | Helena Lopes