The Life Puzzles Series: Piece 11

The end-of-year festive season of immoderation is around the corner – already! Can you believe it? I can’t! This one crept up! 😉 In anticipation of the season of overindulgence, this is an appropriate time to discuss a whirly subject that impacts all. To the extent that it is a frequent topic of discussion nowadays. What could it be? Let us explore!
Have you noticed that when we speak of dependence or addiction, we tend to refer to others but rarely to ourselves? For example, we say a co-worker who works obsessively is a workaholic. The friend who clings to their cell phone, compulsively checking to see who has texted, liked, or commented on their post, has an addiction to cell phones, social media, or both. And the neighbor who is excessively fond of chocolate is a chocoholic. I relate to this one very well, and it is a classic example of when a good thing becomes bad.

Good turns bad

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary states that addiction is a strong inclination to do, use, or indulge in something repeatedly. And we can all think of something we struggle to resist. However, most of us would not describe ourselves as addicts. Because when we speak of addiction, our minds drift away from the things we love. And we fixate on the handful of things that society frowns upon and often labels a crime, such as drug addiction or alcoholism. I wonder why.

Could it be that we focus on specific addictions and ignore others because we consider their effects pervasive? Specifically destructive to the addicted person, those who love them, and any who are around them? Regardless, this perspective is limiting, and adopting a limited view of a problem is harmful as we miss much. And as we all know, addictions, even the worst kinds, begin with seemingly good intentions. We might hear such intentions vocalized in phrases like I will try it because I am open-minded. Or I want to fit in, and everybody around here does this. But today, my intention is not to speak about substance abuse. Instead, I am puzzled by a familiar addiction we seldom talk about despite the havoc it wreaks on our lives. Here, I am referring to an addiction to happiness.

The masked addiction

An addiction to happiness is as common as it is dangerous. But often, we do not realize the cost and price we pay for it. On the contrary, we may feel entitled to it! For this reason, I have a hunch that when most of us read the phrase about happiness being a dangerous addiction, our first thought was, how can that be when being happy is something I want, need, and should get? Aké, have you not read the United States Declaration of Independence and watched the 2006 blockbuster hit, The Pursuit of Happyness? 😉
Fortunately, I have done both and realized an evident secret: While happiness is a reasonable pursuit, like any desire, once it crosses the threshold of self-control, it becomes an addiction. Furthermore, the need masks the obsession, and it becomes dangerous.

Before we go further, what exactly is happiness?
In Psychology, happiness is a state of emotional well-being that a person experiences, either when good things happen in a specific moment or as a positive evaluation of their life and accomplishments.

When a good thing becomes not-so-good

Happiness is necessary, and pursuing it is vital. However, today, it seems many go to extreme lengths to quench their thirst for constant pleasure at almost any cost! By definition, such behavior is indicative of addiction. A tell-tale sign of its dire effects is the astonishing decline of relationships. For example, one takes on golf as a hobby and decides she is happier on the course with fellow golfers. In response, she ditches her friends on the chess team for happier times on the course. Understandably, this might lead the chess team players to wonder if they were true friends in the first place!
Or, in a more intimate setting, we may see the lust for happiness surface when one faces a deep struggle. And their spouse concludes their sadness dampens their mood. Therefore, they exit stage left to carry on with another who makes them happy.

Notably, there are times when two must go their separate ways. Such as when one becomes an enabler, not a helper, and stubbornly fosters a vicious cycle. Or when one refuses to grow and improve but prefers to continue in a destructive pattern. Although going in separate and healthy ways may be hurtful, it is not the problem. The problem arises when the pursuit of individual happiness overrides the need for collective joy.

A societal problem. An individual opportunity.

The devastation of prioritizing individual desires over the collective good is visible through terrors such as slavery and genocide. Today, we seem to experience a similar demise at a lesser extreme, evidenced by the degeneration of family units and workplace cultures. Undoubtedly, this is a complex problem that society must tackle. However, although the challenge is collective, the solution begins with each of us.
In this vein, here are two questions I ponder and encourage you to consider: What are two things I enjoy doing because they make me happy? And how do they impact others?

To explore additional perspectives on happiness, you may check out the piece titled The Source of Happiness.

Until next time.

For you and to you,
Aké

Image credit: Pexels | Bhargava Maripati