The Life Puzzles Series: Piece 3

Last week, we explored the realm of false starts. False starts are fundamentally unintentional flubs that derail our plans. We do not intend for our actions to fail, but they do. And we lay awake at night thinking, where did I go wrong? Did I say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, or both? Importantly, how do I avoid such a debacle in the future? Off the athletic track, this unlocks a vital piece in our life puzzle and directs us in the right direction of travel – truth or untruth!

Which way is best – The path of truth or the boulevard of lies?

We all contend with this question, and as we contemplate the potential consequences, we are puzzled and unsure which route is best. We might wonder: Should I tell my friend I will attend her dinner party even though I do not intend to? Or should I tell her I will not be at her party and why? On another day, we might think, should I assure my manager that I will meet the 5 pm deadline for her critical project even though I am running behind? Or should I head out of the office through the back door and show up tomorrow morning with a tall tale explaining why I missed the deadline?

A common struggle

Today, saying the right thing seems more valued than doing the right thing. Although the rationale for such thinking might appear sensible, it is not and leads many astray. Also, such thinking is not solely present in the minds of people living on the fringe of society, as we might like to think. It applies to all of us.

But the real head-scratcher is that most of us want to do the right thing – to speak the truth and nothing but the truth at all times. However, we do not! Because sometimes, it seems easier to say what others want to hear even though we do not intend to follow through. To justify our actions, we might tell ourselves, I am a nice person and hate to hurt the feelings of others. I think it best to keep the truth to myself. – just this time. Or we may think my manager will be upset if I reveal my intentions. It would be better to say what they want to hear now and do as I please later.

At first pass, these reactions appear reasonable. They might even seem kind. However, upon deeper reflection, we find that the primary driver of such behavior is not niceness, kindness, or an earnest desire to protect others from pain. Instead, such behavior primarily arises from a desire to avoid discomfort and gain approval. Unfortunately, to satisfy our craving for comfort and approval, we forsake our values and choose compromise over authenticity and untruths over truth. – All the while failing to realize that untruths are costly.

The cost of untruths

Fib, lie, deceit, pretense, half-truth, distortion. These words are synonymous with untruth according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Besides the word fib, which colloquially suggests a trivial untruth, most of us would take great offense to another using any to describe us or our actions. However, when we think of the last five years, five months, or five days, we might find a few valid reasons for one to do so. Besides embarrassment, such behavior has a hefty price tag.

Because untruths are caustic, they estrange friends, colleagues, and partners. And over time, they erode the moral fiber of individuals. Examples of this demise are all around us. – A husband goes to happy hour with colleagues on a Wednesday night. Then, as he strolls into the house at 10 pm, he tells his wife that he stayed late at the office because the workload was excessive. The next day, his wife speaks to his administrative assistant, who innocently mentions they were at happy hour the night before. Immediately, the seed of distrust takes root in his wife’s heart. If he keeps up the behavior, the subject of his lies will likely evolve from mysterious late nights in the office to vanishing funds in the bank account. In his personal and professional relationships, trust will dissolve, shame will rear its ugly head, and his future will lie on shaky ground.

Undoubtedly, dishonesty devastates others, but the destruction goes up a notch when it becomes a habit, as such behavior erodes character.

The erosion of character

One of the most dangerous predicaments a person can face is the erosion of their character.
As a society, we know this to be true. Although to keep the peace, aka please others, we may choose to substitute the need for character for legalities and penal codes. For example, rather than saying it is wrong to steal from another, we might say theft is illegal under the law. While this sounds authoritative, it also reduces the gravity of our actions to a mere malfunction rather than evidence of poor character.

We all live on a finite clock, and sooner or later, we all lose much. – Baby fat gives way to saggy skin, and muscle hypertrophy surrenders to muscle atrophy. Also, at a certain point, we must turn in our company badge and office keys and pass the baton to younger generations. Yes, we let go of much, but one thing we must hold onto is our character. – Our character is what we are known for and most remembered for, and the evidence of character lies in what one says and does.

Friend, while a fib here and there might seem inconsequential, it is not. –  As skin exposed repeatedly to friction forms a callus, ongoing fibbing leads to an insensitivity to lies. The cost of an untruth is the decline of relationships and the erosion of character.

May we all decide to tread the path of truth over the boulevard of lies.

For you and to you,
Aké

Image credit: Pexels | Mikhail Nilov