To thrive, we must influence for good.

Last week, we concluded our series on life puzzles. Today, I will let you in on something! 😊 Halfway into the Life Puzzles Series, I wondered when it would end. Not because I was tired of exploring. Instead, because there always seemed to be more to share. However, like all things, it ended, and we wrapped up with a critical question: How am I impacting others? – Those who are here and those who are yet to come. At the heart of this question is a vital skill: Influence!

Question for you: Who influences you? A partner, friend, parent, boss, or someone else?

The Power of Influence

Knowing who and what influences us is pivotal because whoever influences us frames our thinking, directs our actions, and impacts our lives. Influence is the foundation for impact.

As we all know and have likely experienced, influence can be positive or negative. For this reason, I will limit our scope. Here, I will not refer to puppeteering, manipulating, or coercing. – Those are an abuse of power. Instead, I will focus on actual influence, i.e., producing an effect without apparent exertion of force or direct exercise of command, as defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. Said differently, to drive a positive impact and effectuate change for a worthy cause. – Not for frivolous attention or selfish gain.

The artful skill

Undeniably, the art of influence has been instrumental in shaping our world. When we speak of impactful leaders such as Martin Luther King Jr. and Nelson Mandela, who changed the world by bending an ear, not beating swords, we pay tribute to their mastery of the remarkable art.

However, today, there is almost a sense of deviousness and lack of merit associated with influence. More so, it might appear to be a social media phenomenon often of selfish pursuits, where the positive contribution of many who bear the influencer title is unknown. Furthermore, many news reports highlight stories of individuals who succeeded by engaging in manipulation, arm-twisting, gaslighting, and bullying to get things done. For this reason, influencing for good and a worthy cause seems to be all but a lost art. – This is troubling and would lead one to wonder how we departed from an age-old skill that enabled us as a species to make progress. But all is not lost!

Now, let me share a little about how I discovered the worthiness of this precious art decades ago.

A valuable opportunity

In my 20s, I worked with an organization composed of over 85% male. Most of them were between their 30s and 50s. Given that I was an outsider, and my age, race, and gender magnified that reality, I was hard to miss. Also, I was a little intimidated as, from my vantage point, some of their meetings sounded like dogs barking. And at times, lions roaring! 😉

Additionally, in my role, I was responsible for engaging strategically with the leadership teams in the organization. But I had no positional authority over any. For this reason, I felt intimidated but maintained a composed presence. However, underneath was a babbling brook whose energy I had not yet harnessed or learned to subdue, as I shared in What Matters to You. Fortunately, they were unaware and interpreted my naturally composed demeanor as a mark of confidence. – Their mistaken perception enabled me to get stuff done until one day when it did not. And I needed to learn a different skill.

The missed opportunity

On a beautiful spring day marked with blue skies, a gentle breeze, and 75-degree weather, I walked into a staff meeting for the all-male senior leadership team. Appropriately dressed in business casual attire, I brought eleven copies of a 7-slide PowerPoint presentation to present a new approach. – One that would significantly change how the organization of almost 1500 employees ran their early-in-career recruiting practice. Notably, early-in-career recruiting was consistently one of the top five priorities of the senior leader.

With resolve, I presented the new proposal, which they felt was a declaration as there was no room for debate. Therefore, I did not get the response I wanted. – There was no agreement or alignment!

The call to influence

Distraught after the meeting, I returned to my office building, rushed to my manager, and informed her of what happened. Frustrated, I recapped the experience in four words: They are not listening! To my surprise, she calmly responded with four words: Then, make them listen.

I did not know what to make of her response! Had she forgotten my role and its limitations? I was just as frustrated by her comment as by the leaders at the meeting. However, I knew she was extremely business savvy. Therefore, I thought it best to act on her words and figure out how to make grown men, whom I had no authority over, listen to me and adopt a new business practice they vehemently opposed!

Unlocking impact

Next, I walked into the office of a colleague with many years of experience whom I trusted. Before taking a seat, I began sharing my dilemma. She listened attentively and asked me the silver bullet question: What matters most to the clients about the business? Not the people agenda, but the all-up business! Once I heard her question, I realized my mistake and opportunity. – Being laser-focused on what I wanted to get, I hadn’t taken the time to learn and factor in what mattered most to them. Therefore, I was hamstrung! From that disturbing experience, I harvested this gem: Knowing what matters most to another is the gateway to influencing them.

Personally and professionally, we face opportunities wherein progress requires influencing another: A colleague, a leader, a friend, a partner, or someone we just met. Next time you want or need to persuade another, especially when you do not have authority, consider this: Before pitching your idea or stating your rationale, find out what matters to them. If needed, ask them and listen attentively.

Until next time!

For you and to you,
Aké

Image credit: Pixabay | HtcHmm