Like peanut butter and jelly, love and trust are better together, but they can exist separately.

Not long ago, I heard someone make an eyebrow-raising remark: They said that if you really love someone, you must also trust them. As soon as they said this, I thought to myself: That is a love myth! Love is a choice and an action – not merely a deluge of feelings. We show love through acts such as kindness, patience, and faithfulness. Wise trust, however, relies on perceptiveness, discernment, and evidence; it is given only to those who earn it.
To truly grasp love and trust, we must know what brings each into being.

If love and trust had a voice, what would each say?

Love says: I do not need you to love me for me to love you.
Trust says: To trust you, I must see evidence that you are worthy of being trusted.
To better understand love and trust, we can look to healthy relationships between parents and their children. Parental love shows that love can exist without being earned or reciprocated; a parent may deeply love a child who is challenging to raise. They are present and meet their needs to the best of their ability. However, as a result of the way the child behaves, that same parent might not trust them. — Therefore, they may not grant them full access to family treasures.
Such is the case because love endures without merit, while trust requires it.

What underlies trust?

Trust requires evidence. We don’t trust strangers to manage our savings solely because they say they care. Nor do we fund struggling businesses simply because we love them. Here, we use discernment, as wise trust is discerning.
Yet, many mistakenly believe that when someone does not trust them, they do not love them.

Where must love and trust meet?

In our modern day, for a marriage to last successfully, both partners must have and show love and trust toward each other. When either is missing, repair is needed. Repair is about making rules together with the understanding that the goal is not for either to win. Instead, it is to help both partners and the relationship grow and thrive.

Dear reader, I leave you with this:
True love is a gift: offered regardless of merit, shown through action, and often felt.
Trust is a sentiment that relies on evidence and materializes into action. We earn wise trust.
Love and trust can exist separately. However, both are required to form a deep and lasting connection.

For you and to you,
Aké

Resource

Love researchers Julie and John Gottman have conducted extensive research on what is required to repair romantic relationships. You may learn more at https://www.gottman.com.

Image credit: Pexels | Karola G