True love is trusting and trustworthy. It gives without expecting anything in return. Yet, some love others with an expectation of reciprocity. They want love but do not trust it, and do not believe it is for them. Therefore, if anyone claims to love them, they demand proof ― hard evidence! It is heartbreaking to see another living under such a burden, and these beliefs are the result of a broken spirit.

What leads to this manner of love?

After enduring an unending string of unrealized dreams and countless sleepless nights nursing a broken heart, some adopt a ruinous view of love. To be loved by them, one must labor to prove they are deserving. Similar to how a borrower must prove creditworthiness to secure a loan, a partner must prove love-worthiness to be loved.

What manner of love is this? It is confining, not captivating. Such love is not true!

True love does not demand proof.

Imagine this!
You visit a friend at their home. Thirty minutes into your visit, they begin narrating a distressing story about their new neighbor. The neighbor is a mother to a nine-year-old boy. Every day after school, your friend hears her telling him that she does not believe he loves her. And to prove that he does, he must plow their cornfield every evening for one hour and write a thank-you card acknowledging all that she did for him that day. Adamantly, she informs him that she requires this to love him.

The message to the son is clear: The love of his mother comes with many strings attached. And to be loved, he must labor for it.

Could this be love?

Upon hearing this, most would conclude that demanding her son earn her love makes her an unsuitable mother. If that is so, how could it be acceptable for a romantic partner to expect their other half to prove they are worthy to be loved?

Yet, some pursue romantic relationships in like manner. Here is how it looks – metaphorically!
One digs a 300-foot ditch across the entrance of their home and invites a friend over for a formal dinner. When the friend arrives, they notice the massive trench. Stunned, disturbed, and disappointed, they stop in their tracks, call the host friend, and share that due to the gaping hole with no safe passage, they cannot proceed and must turn around. In response, the host complains that they are not a good friend. They reasoned that by refusing to take the risk and cross the 300-foot ditch at night on a wobbly plank, they did not love them.

Evidently, the actions of the dinner host are misguided, though perhaps not ill-intentioned. They did not intend to hurt their friend, but they were unable to grasp the carelessness and unreasonableness in their request. – This happens when the heart is in a cage.

Can a caged heart be loved?

Caging the heart is a self-orchestrated illusion intended to protect oneself, but it fosters loneliness. Here, one sets up heightening obstacle courses to prevent others from getting emotionally close. Unfortunately, they soon become more skilled at pushing others away than compelling them to stay. Therefore, although love is available, as it does not impose, they never secure it.

Fortunately, a person who truly loves another can serve as motivation for them to step out of their cage. However, as they locked themselves in, only they can unlock the door. And it requires courage to do so. Courage, not captivity, is needed to love and be loved.

Friend, a vital question we must ask ourselves is: Do I make it hard for others to love me?

For you and to you,
Aké

Image credit: Pixabay | Sabinevanerp