To begin with, the title for this piece seems peculiar, especially as it was conceived and penned by one who professes that love is life. 😊 Indeed, it might appear strange. However, there is a dangerous thing we can fall in love with. And to move forward, we must break the bond!

It keeps on happening.

Many years ago, during a coaching session, my life coach said to me, “Imagine yourself speaking to little Aké and telling her, I know you were hurt when you were little, and you are upset because I did not protect you then. However, I want you to know I was incapable. But I am capable now, and I will take care of you.”

Nowadays, some refer to this as healing your inner child. But my coach was savvy: she never used such terminology with me, as it would have sent me running helter-skelter. 😊 At the time, we were discussing an incident in which I felt hurt and frustrated that I hadn’t stood up for myself. I related it to being bullied as a kid and not defending myself. Notably, I made similar connections previously – several times.

Fall out of love with suffering.

Almost instantly, my coach made an astute observation which led me to realize that I lived my days clutching onto past suffering as if they were pearls. And she wanted me to realize the unnecessary load I was carrying so that I may let go. In other words, she wanted to help me fall out of love with suffering.

Sometimes, whether intentionally or not, suffering is a crutch we lean on to justify staying stuck. We blame poor behavior on the mistreatment we endured – right from childhood. And, as we justify lack of growth for past suffering, we expect others to jump aboard the misery bandwagon with us. If they do not, we conclude they do not love us.

Move forward

That day, my life coach opened my eyes to reality: When I was a kid, a classmate bullied me. It was wrong, and I was hurt. However, allowing myself to constantly re-live the experience as evidence of my inadequacy was emotional imprisonment. Many years earlier, I forgave the bully. Now, I also needed to forgive myself. Forgiveness of self and others enables freedom. 

On that day, my coach did me a great favor: Kindly and seriously, and in not so few words, she urged me to move forward. And to do so, I needed to fall out of love with suffering. Understandably, the idea that one is in love with suffering might sound unconscionable – especially when it pertains to childhood experiences. However, for an adult to perpetually live in the suffering-drenched mind-space of the child they once were, is self-victimization. – And few things can hold back a person from truly living more than self-victimization.

For you and to you,
Aké

Image credit: Pixabay_Angelal_17