Aké Satia is the Chief Vision Officer at Aké Satia, a Human Capital firm in the DC area focused on strengthening organizations by bolstering the intersection of people strategy and business strategy.



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The Most Powerful Mindset!

The Mindset Series: Episode 6


Love is the key that unlocks the chambers of the heart.

Happy Valentine’s Week!

February 14 is Valentine’s Day, a global holiday dedicated to celebrating romantic love, and nowadays, it is a highly commercialized holiday where chocolate, jewelry, and exotic flowers fly off the shelves! But I celebrate for a deeper reason than Toblerone Noir, Givenchy, and wild orchids.
Wonder why?

In love and life, my top priority is my Creator. He is my first love, and nurturing our relationship is my most critical investment: One born of discovery and an outward focus. My second most vital investment will be my relationship with my life partner when I meet him. – It will be a journey of discovery, growth, and becoming, netting out in interconnectedness, as I shared in The Antidote to Division

The Worthwhile Wait

As with many things, from baking a cake to professional development, it is valuable to be deliberate and patient because timing is critical.

But truth be told! Who likes to wait? A same-day delivery order that arrives at 3 pm feels late! When a sales rep dares to tell us to be patient, we ask to speak to the manager! And if the manager is unavailable, we ask for the direct line of the CEO to air our grievance! 😉
Often, such reactions erupt because we think patience is pointless waiting and a waste of time! And with a to-do list that grows by the second, who has time for that? Certainly not us!
But have you ever wondered what we miss by allowing our to-do list to dictate our lives?

Admittedly, I am not a poster child for waiting, and like most of us, I view success as synonymous with getting stuff done! However, life is a relentless teacher, and over time, kicking and screaming, I have learned that successful living is as much about timing as it is about doing.

Life, Love, and Time

Sometimes, we view time as an obstacle preventing us from realizing our dreams, especially when it appears to remain stagnant.
But unlike how we might feel while sitting in a waiting room at the Department of Licensing, waiting is not a misfortune. Instead, waiting is the prized opportunity to work with time to achieve a goal and realize a dream. Not realizing this, one might think waiting is when time stands still. And we sit on our hands. – This is a costly miscomprehension, especially in matters of the heart, such as dating. 

From experience, we know love does not take root when one hangs onto a misaligned dating relationship out of fear, wishful thinking, or some other fancy reason. Of course, hastily ending what one starts is not ideal either. As it might suggest, one is noncommittal and unintentional. However, simply “hanging in there” misuses time and leads to a pity relationship where one wears a mask or conceals the heart and misleads another! 

Naturally, this would lead one to wonder what could motivate another to take this course. – Some might believe it is nice to do as feelings are not hurt. Or view it as a way to pass time and boost their self-esteem. Indeed, there are many reasons why one might choose to conceal their true feelings, essentially, wear a mask. Regardless of the reasons, building a relationship while masking the heart is a surefire way to ruin the relationship!

Unmasking the Masked

Strong connections and relationship-building abilities cannot grow when the truth is absent. – No more than an 11th grader becomes a chemist by sitting in Chemistry class and scribbling love notes.
Worse yet, such behavior, i.e., being physically present but emotionally absent or distant, could lead to a disturbing behavior identified in the workplace, called quiet firing.

Quiet firing is a term coined during the pandemic to describe a suboptimal workplace practice where employers worsen workplace conditions to drive specific employees to quit. Notably, as the employer’s actions are subtle, they seem unintentional, and when the employee resigns, the employer avoids additional costs and enhanced legal risk!

Procrastinating the Inevitable!

In dating, quiet firing may happen when one enters a relationship to build self-esteem. To retain a positive image and make the lackluster manageable, one might carry on as The Grinch and exasperate their partner, propelling them to behave in a manner that justifies the divide. Or temporarily reduce their expectation of fulfillment. Expectedly, the above tosses the heart into a constant state of discomfort and brings the relationship to an inevitable end. Because, as we know, the heart cannot thrive in endless agony.

However, knee-deep in turmoil, one might still attempt to hang on. But what exactly is one hanging onto?

Discomfort or Gratification

From a young age, we learn about delaying gratification when our mom tells us we can only have a slice of chocolate cake after eating our veggies! Also, we experience what it feels like to face pain swiftly when we skin our knees, and our mom insists on treating the wound immediately!
In those moments, salivating from sweet temptation or reeling from pain, we may think a better course of action is to go for the chocolate drizzled slice before the broccoli and postpone treatment.

Fortunately, at the crossroads, our mom guides us along the wise path to delay gratification and face discomfort. Being discerning, she knows we will incur steep costs if we misstep.

Stepping away from Missteps

In dating, without discernment, we are prone to costly missteps: Perhaps somersaulting into romance and failing to build a deep friendship. Or perhaps building a relationship on a weak foundation, ignoring red flags, and prolonging an inevitable end.
Devastatingly, these missteps can lead one to miss the opportunity to form and build a vital lifetime partnership!

What is the value of a lifetime partnership?
As writer, poet, and monk Thomas Merton said, we do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another. Indeed, a lifetime partnership is the ultimate opportunity to co-create life, but it is not the source of completion, as no one can complete another. – Sorry, Jerry Maguire fans. 😊
As many would attest, a lifetime partnership is not easy to create as it requires one to be selfless, act deliberately, and wait purposefully. – And waiting purposefully is critical in minimizing baggage.

The Baggage Problem

Like many of us, out of necessity, I have refined my ability to travel with a piece of hand luggage and no checked bags! – When we squeeze all, we need into a valise that meets TSA guidelines, we pump our fists and keep our fingers crossed that the weight does not exceed the allowable amount! 😊
Of course, ideally, we would have our entire closet wherever we go! But the discomfort of not having that extra pair of shoes pales to the burden of hauling extra baggage across planes, trains, and automobiles. – This also applies to our hearts!

To better grasp this, let us consider a familiar scenario!

The Hidden Cost of Experience

Many of us have heard that in the United States, 40-50% of first-time marriages end in divorce.
But did you know the divorce rate increases to approximately 60% for second marriages and 73% for third marriages, with second marriages lasting for 7-10 years and third marriages lasting for 5-8 years? – This head-scratcher reveals that having many experiences or marriages does not result in long-lived unions or enhance our ability to create them.

Interestingly, some have suggested that this applies to dating as well. Specifically, having many romantic partners does not make one a capable romantic partner. Rather, it familiarizes one with division and desensitizes the sting of a breakup, leading to a longer string of fractured relationships.
All begs the question: Could the experience one amasses become the emotional baggage one must shed to thrive? 

Living Authentically and Purposefully

As we know, trial and error are inadequate when life’s billows roll, and we need a sturdy life anchor. Like many, I frequently consider the sturdiness of my anchors, and as I have more seas to sail in my life journey, I am grateful to know what anchors me. 

Love is my wedge anchor, and my Creator sets the bar! It is never lost on me that I fell in love with Him, but He loved me first by condescending Himself, earning my trust, and laboring for our connection. – While proving Himself faithful through arid deserts and tempestuous seas. Powerfully, in so doing, He demonstrated that love is a courageous business. And to love another is to give them the key that unlocks the chambers of your heart because you believe they are worth the risk.
Following His lead and filled with gratitude, I will not betray Love and wreck our future. Instead, I will walk with Him as we purposefully carve a path.

The Path of Love

Drawing from inspiration from above, I pen sonnets and odes to my future husband and our future little ones. Also, I hone my ability to love with humility, faithfulness, and a sacrificial heart. And by so doing, plant healthy seeds for co-creating a life worth living. 

With strife around every corner, our world seems stuck, but as the song goes, love makes the world go round. Indeed, love is the greatest mindset of them all. Choose love! 

Until next time. 

For you and to you,


Image credits: Pexels | Pixabay



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