Last week, we explored the concept of love and endeavored to grasp the many facets of love. An intriguing subject! Like many of us, I am fascinated by love because of its impact on individuals, communities, and society. And as we know, love can stir hearts, unite minds, and increase motivation. Therefore, in the future, love will be the vital cornerstone of a healthy organizational culture. To explore the facets of this essential cornerstone called love, you may read more here: The Facets of Love – BLOG – www.akesatia.com
Indeed, love is an unmatched force! Naturally, this would lead one to ask: how does one extract the value of this force? And to grasp this, we need to know the anchors of love!

A priceless value!

What enables love to stay in place?
Notably, in addition to building, uniting, and strengthening relational bonds, love is mysterious! Because love can propel one to sacrifice their well-being to help another – even when the other person’s decisions shattered their heart. And we hear about and see instances of such selfless sacrifice frequently between parents and their children, siblings, partners, and friends. These acts are manifestations of self-control and selflessness!

Ironically, self-control and selflessness are two qualities we admire in others when they display them toward us! But we often struggle to embody them because they challenge our natural tendency to put ourselves first. However, exercising self-control and selflessness is invaluable. And this would lead one to ask: What exactly are self-control and selflessness? 

Harnessing and Releasing!

Self-control and selflessness are the quintessential display of harnessing and releasing power. How so? Self-control is restraint exercised over one’s impulses, emotions, or desires. Self-control Definition & Meaning – Merriam-Webster And selflessness is placing the needs of another above oneself!
I have a hunch many of us can grasp the link between love and selflessness. But self-control is not a word we often associate with love. Indeed, when many describe their experiences with love, their descriptions sound like an uncontrollable Godzilla-like force knocked them off their feet and led them to do the inexplicable! Unfortunately, such thinking leads many to chase a fleeting high that leads to a wheelbarrow of mediocre relationships. And this should make one question whether such expressions depict love, uninhibited passion, or something else!

But how does one recognize the anchors of love?

Anchors of Love.

When we study relationships and wrestle with this question, we find that indeed, control, specifically self-control and selflessness are the anchors of love. Now, you might be thinking: Aké, Did you use control and love in the same sentence?? Oh no! Take it back! They certainly don’t jive! 😊 Of course, it is understandable why one might wish to shoo this thought away. After all, one would be hard-pressed to hear a singer belting notes about love and self-control in a jazz club! And if such a song were composed, it probably wouldn’t be nominated for the Grammys any time now!

But think about it! What enables a muscle builder who can bend a metal rod with his bare hands to carry his 6-pound baby as she screeches at 3 am so tenderly that the baby rests at ease? Also, what propels a physician to interact with an obnoxious and verbally abusive patient yet decide to give them life-saving treatment and care? Kindness? Gentleness? Obligation? Perhaps all of the above! But ultimately, in both cases, the individuals choose to make wise choices. – They choose to display self-control. And self-control is a foundation of love.

The Shock!

And this brings to memory a touching story a friend narrated recently.

Several weeks ago, on a Monday evening, I was chatting with a friend I met many years ago through my wonderful late sister, Jessie. As I caught up with my friend, she shared that a few weeks earlier, she received a frantic call from her college pal, Mary. Mary was also a friend of Jessie, and back in the day, Jessie frequently and fondly mentioned her name, so while I have never met Mary, I feel like I know her. Mary is a middle-aged, divorced, single mother of two college-aged children. And she lives alone on the East Coast.
As you read this, Mary might sound like the average next-door neighbor. Except, there is more to her story!

My friend shared that once she picked up the phone, she could tell this was not a typical call because Mary was crying uncontrollably! However, in between sobs, she managed to utter a few words: I am at the ICU: I was just diagnosed with diabetes. And I am alone and scared!
A few minutes later, my friend gathered that Mary had suffered a diabetic shock! And with no medical background, she felt ill-equipped to advise her. But she knew that Mary needed her – desperately! 

Less about me and all about you.

And without a second thought, she decided to make an emergency trip from her home in Northern California to visit Mary on the East Coast. The following evening, as soon as her plane landed, she headed straight for the hospital. Once at the hospital, she asked to see Mary. And she was ushered into a room where Mary lay helplessly on a gurney with bloodshot eyes. Mary’s patient room was a revolving door of medical staff.

And as doctors rushed in and out of the room, they gestured at Mary and whispered to each other: “That is the one!” Suddenly, my friend realized Mary was in a graver state than she anticipated and decided to stay with Mary as long as she needed her! – This resulted in my friend taking time off from her job for over three weeks, missing several engagements, and canceling many critical appointments. And she supported Mary through her hospital stay, helped her transition home, and re-establish herself in the new and altered state. 

Tomorrow is never guaranteed!

Listening to my friend narrate her experience with Mary was like watching a scene in a drama movie! And I was curious to understand what prompted her to put her life on hold and incur several sudden and unplanned expenses. So I asked her why she did it! Surprisingly, my friend informed me that recalling her sadness and shock when my sister, Jessie, was no longer with us reminded her that the most important thing she could do was to be there for Mary. And knowing that tomorrow is never guaranteed or promised, she eagerly made the sacrifice – with no expectation of anything in return! And the night before she returned to California, Mary was in tears – feeling overwhelmed by the love that was poured onto her and speechless with gratitude. Indeed, self-control and selflessness are the anchors of love.

And a question that unlocks this opportunity is: How can I give of myself to meet the need of another without expecting anything in return?  Offer my time to help another with no strings attached? Or perhaps, risk discomfort by being honest about my true feelings and intentions to provide clarity. Or something else?
Friend, it always starts with a choice!

For you and to you,
Aké