Aké Satia is the Chief Vision Officer at Aké Satia, a Human Capital firm in the DC area focused on strengthening organizations by bolstering the intersection of people strategy and business strategy.



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Take Hold of Rejection!

To take hold of rejection, we must consider others and live purposefully.

Last time, we explored a common and dreaded fear and feeling: Rejection – The Fear of Rejection – BLOG – www.akesatia.com. Today, let us go beneath the surface to determine what enables us to untangle ourselves from its web.
Feeling rejected begins with a thought and develops with interpretation. i.e., An anthology of accusatory and condemning stories we create and tell ourselves about why another treated us distastefully! Regrettably, these negative sentiments propel us onto a whirling hamster wheel where our emotions run amuck, and to stop the wheel from spinning, we need to consider why another might have behaved as they did. – This is powerful because it enables us to contextualize our feelings and better manage our fear of rejection.

Sounds nearly idyllic, but how does one attain this?

Feelings and Happenings

Before we start on this quest, let’s delineate between being rejected and feeling rejected!
The word reject means to turn away by not accepting, receiving, or considering, while feeling rejected means believing or thinking one was not accepted, received, or considered. Reject Definition & Meaning – Merriam-Webster Logically, we know the two are vastly different.  But when we feel rejected, we might confuse the feeling for the action and believe our entire being – who we are and our self-worth, is reduced in value because of a person’s thoughts or actions! – This is a costly mistake as it perpetuates discord and loss because as we soak in the undesirable feeling of rejection, rather than attempt to understand the position of another, we assume a posture of defeat, unknowingly turn down opportunities, and prematurely shut doors.

Now, you might be wondering… What can enable one to stop marinating in feelings of rejection?

Last time, I shared a personal experience from my childhood about the first time I felt rejected. That experience had a lifelong impact on me as it revealed my weaknesses and enabled me to understand that to connect with another, we must consider them, i.e., see and know them.
In time, as I processed my childhood rejection experience, I realized that feeling rejected is sometimes a reflection of reality but is always grounded in perception. For this reason, to harness feelings of rejection, we must perceive a situation from the perspective of another, i.e., cultivate and practice empathy.
Admittedly, I acquired this nugget years later, after a stint of heart-work with a remarkable life coach!

Hop off the hamster wheel of rejected feelings.

Perhaps the nugget sounds a little off the wall to you!
If so, I understand why because that is what I thought when my life coach first shared it! After all, when our feelings are hurt, our last thought is to look compassionately upon the offender! Instead, we might think:
Should I wallow in my misery, seek a sympathetic ear, and attempt to punish the offender? – Yep!
Should I consider the feelings of the offender? – Nope! Hard pass!

However, I later realized considering the perspectives of others, including those we feel hurt by, is essential because though self-pity and distractions might seem to offer relief, we must face reality to progress. And reality includes others: their viewpoints and experiences!
You might be thinking: Aké, I can appreciate how that bit rolls off the tongue like a dollop of honey, but I do not believe it is realistic! Why would I try to understand a person who slighted me? Do you know how much pain I am in?
In response, I offer this: I do not know how you feel as I cannot see into your mind or heart. 😉 However, this I know, and I have a hunch you do too! – Regardless of beguiling looks, vast riches, noble intentions, and gracious acts, all adults know the feeling of rejection. And we have a similar reaction when we sense rejection is near.

Is rejection lurking?

When we sense rejection is near, we tend to take for the hills!
We do not apply for jobs we believe we are well-qualified for because we fear we might not get selected. Also, we do not initiate desired connections because we fearfully anticipate being turned down. And we resist developing meaningful relationships because we fear others might deem us inadequate. 
Essentially, clothed in fear, we put on a cloak of self-protectionism, and our default response to desired opportunities is NO! The very word we fear and loathe hearing from others! Unfortunately, by so doing, we ultimately say NO to ourselves. 

Worse yet, seeking relief from our fragile state, as a kid ravenously consumes candy when his mom looks away, we make decisions we’re bound to regret. – Such as isolation, developing addictions, or adopting harmful practices to ward off unwanted feelings. Sadly, the damage incurred by reacting to a fleeting feeling negatively impacts our future.
Rather than react to a perception, it is better to consider the perspectives of others and why they might behave in a manner that makes another feel rejected.

Friend, as we know, people may come and go from your life, but as long as you are living, you are here, and the opportunity is to make your presence count! Therefore, it is critical to live wholly and purposefully. And to do so, we must take hold of rejection and not let the fear or feeling ransack our lives.
Naturally, this would lead one to ask: How can I take hold of something I do not understand? To enable understanding, next, we will explore a vital question: Why do people say NO?

Until next time, stay safe and be well!
And if you are in the United States, Happy Workers Day, aka Labor Day!

For you and to you,



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